It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
