Buhtt sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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