whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
