I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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