I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
