At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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