Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
