I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
