Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
