i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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