I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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