you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
