I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
