he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
