you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
