i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
