you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize