she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
