No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize