Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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