i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
