The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize