He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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