The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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