i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
