oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Randomize