i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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