things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
