He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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