Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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