One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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