He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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