the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
