He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
