i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
