Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
