I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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