i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
