I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
