just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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