Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
