i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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