I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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