so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The best revenge is premature balding
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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