He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
