He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
