don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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