when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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