First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
