At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
