i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
