Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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