Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
