I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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