Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
