he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
