Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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