I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
