Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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