You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
