Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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