I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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