Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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