I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
