dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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