so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think my moral compass just broke
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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