another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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