i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
