she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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