It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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