when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
