can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
