My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
