More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
