Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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