I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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