Soap is not a condiment
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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