I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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