Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
