My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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