The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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