my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize