I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
