Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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